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We'd talk about the Jackson 5, Teddy Pendergrass, and the Whispers. We confessed that our first novels were an embarrassment.
(He was lying; I wasn't.)He'd ask me to go out to dinner. I cherished our relationship; I didn't want to ruin it by dating.
A funny thing happened to me on the way to writing my latest novel, Queen Takes King, in which a 45-year-old finds herself single after her 25-year marriage disintegrates. I was told by other single women over 40 who'd been in the dating pool longer than I had that there were "no men out there." And they didn't mean "no good men"; they meant "No men. Meanwhile, on the libido side, things were getting desperate. The Egyptian was, they claimed, some kind of sensual magician. Today I have two young boys to raise, and I'm not hot on introducing them to a new man. There's nothing like watching your gorgeous, good-natured, snowboarding, ladies' man nephew undergo weeks of heavy chemo to make you stop feeling sorry for your lonely self. And then, when I wasn't looking, there was a flurry of activity. To avoid confusion in the midst of this sudden man bounty, I put a method to my dating madness: As 2008 was a political election year, I decided to hold my own primaries.
I found myself single after my almost-17-year relationship disintegrated. Period."I could have sworn I spied members of the male persuasion on L. That is, if you like your men hairless and sweating in yoga class, grunting through their vinyasas, dragon tattoos on their waxed calves, or perhaps speeding past in their silver BMWs, sporting Bluetooth sets, shaved heads, and glinting veneered teeth. Numbers were pressed into my hand and texted from Black Berry to i Phone. One evening over dinner, my older boy, Thug Number 1, asked if I'd ever get married again. My dates became "candi-dates," and I designated delegates (friends) and superdelegates (family) to help me vet them. He was sweet and funny, with an adventuresome nature; he thought up fun, original dates like a night on the Queen Mary to celebrate Mardi Gras with about 10,000 gyrating, feather-boa-wearing Brazilians.
Take some advice from a gal who has been there, finally figured “the man-thing out,” got married at 47 and now enjoys a stellar relationship with the perfect man…for me. I mean, after all, if every man you meet is unworthy then there is no risk you’ll actually start dating or get in a relationship!I just want the barbecue."The Holy Grail: the barbecue. My "program," as one candidate told me, is too filled up for most men. Music, kids, family, friends, margaritas, standing shoulder to shoulder with your man, arguing over how long to cook a rib eye. There are two things you can do that will immediately improve your experience with men: 1. Know what you want and must have, and make sure it’s the “Grownup You” doing the picking; not the 18-year-old who still expects all kinds of wacky things that no longer matter and wouldn’t make you happy anyway. Aren’t your “quirks” what you want men to love about you? • How does this belief impact your actions (or inaction), and how is that affecting your outcomes? Yep, that’s a surefire way to avoid ever being hurt or rejected.Be willing to forgo the idea of perfection and find a REAL man. ) Here are some action steps to get you started: • Get honest with yourself by getting to the core of your belief that there are no quality men. If you believed otherwise, how would it change your dating experiences? (Listen, I was the master of this, but finally learned how I consistently self sabotaged.